The phone rang. It was late at night and the sound echoed throughout the room. I lazily got up to answer it.
“That’s weird, the phone was ringing but there’s nothing but a blank screen.”
I decided to turn it off and head back to bed but there was this feeling that something was wrong, something was perhaps…missing. I walked to my parent’s room, there was no one there.
“Where can they be at a time like this, it is nearly…”
I glanced at the clock; the clock was literally broken as if something was telling me a sign. A sign of loneliness. I don’t know what is going on around me. These past couple of days has been a real disaster that I sometimes don’t know what I am doing. I feel so weak, as if I am falling. I decided to go out and take a walk outside.
The breeze felt nice and cool, no one was around, no sound at all, just my footsteps brushing against the sidewalk. I kept wondering, what am I doing, what was I really thinking of, why am I out here in the middle of the night? So many questions left unanswered and it puzzled me. I kept on walking, the street lamp posts were flickering and it looked like they were laughing at me. I felt so cold in the inside. The flickering lights caused a flashback which was so real. I remember it now. It became all clear. It happened just a few days ago, I was… before I can say anything a bright light hit my face and it blinded me. A voice came out of nowhere, the whole street, or should I say the world was shaking. It was like a level 7 earthquake where you can barely stand or think. The next second I woke up and I saw my sister. All a dream, it was only a dream.
“Yo, you better wake up or else you are gonna be late for school again for the 3rd time in a row” she said.
The first thing I did was I looked at the clock and the phone. I realize I was going to be late. I did all my basic morning routines and left the house. Another day at school I reminded myself, when will Friday come? While walking to the bus stop I came across a flickering lamp post. The flickering reminded me of the dream I had. The weird part was that I was having the same dream for the past 2 days. I am not sure if it was a sign that something bad will happen to me in the future. I was thinking about how the story went when suddenly the bus came and I lost my train of thought.
The wind blew against me in the cold morning. I was rushing to school because I didn’t want to be late. I felt terrible to be constantly late, but I had my mind on other things. I had problems with my girlfriend that had been bothering me for a few days. If only there was a machine to reverse time, I would have made the right choice, but it’s too late now.
School started off pretty well for the first few periods but things began to change as the day grew closer to an end. When the 7th period bell rang my mood changed in the blink of an eye, almost as if I were bi-polar. A guy in my class got on my nerves that period, which was when things started falling apart. Throughout 7th period I couldn’t think, I just kept feeling sad and angry. I felt pathetic, like a guy who couldn’t even handle such little things.
The school bell rang and I was off. Basically I was done for the day but usually I wait for my friends at the library. I walked to the library and just sat there, waiting for her to show up. We haven’t seen each other for 3 days and I am starting to worry if something bad might happen between us. Minutes came in like hours for me. I was staring at the door just hoping a face would pop in and I would recognize her. Suddenly she came in with a sad face, walked right past me and sat at the chair next to me. I knew that from now on, things will never be the same. Both of us were dead silent. She was busy doing her homework and pretending that I wasn’t there. I just sat there, thinking of a way to start the conversation but a blank page appeared in my thoughts. Finally she slammed her book softly, put her work inside her bag, and told me to follow her. We zigzagged our way through the chairs and tables and I followed her outside. I could just feel what she might do next.
We were outside of the school walking side by side but at least 3 feet apart. I was thinking about how this never happened around 5 days ago when we were smiling happily at each other and holding hands. How could things change so fast in 5 days? We walked further and further away from the school, at least 5 blocks in total. During the walk we had a little conversation about schoolwork but it quickly died off and we didn’t know what else to say to each other. I could feel the awkwardness again. Finally we stopped at a public park, she took the lead and sat on a bench, I followed. We sat again 3 feet away from each other. I started to break the silence.
“So, how’s everything? Is there something important you want to talk about?” I said.
“Well, then there must be a reason why we both aren’t talking these past few days and why we are sitting here at this moment.” She said.
“Well if there is anything wrong we can always talk about it and solve it, remember what I told you? If one has problems in their relationship it is best to talk it out with the other. If you don’t talk about it and decide to keep it a secret, problems will just add up until you can’t think of a way to solve it.” I said.
“I don’t know why I am afraid to tell you my problems, I find that my friends are more understanding than you and I feel comfortable telling them.” She said.
“We have been together for 4 months. I am not sure why you are still afraid to tell me what is going on and what you plan to do.” I said while trying to hold in the tears.
“I…I feel like we should, you know, take a break? She said.
“Wh…Wh…Why do you want to do that? What happened these past days when you said you were busy and didn’t want to see me?” I said.
“Well, things have changed. I have changed and you have changed. You don’t honestly believe that we would last forever…do you? She said.
“What went wrong? Trust me, I can change if you want me too, I would do anything. Just don’t let go, I believe we can do this together.” I said.
“I’m sorry but it is really complicated, I’m sorry, really I am.” She said.
At that point I felt like my whole world collapsed. The most painful thing was me standing there while watching her leave. It was like one of those dramas when slow-motion takes place. I couldn’t help but cry. Everything was now a blur as if things just happened too fast. I started hallucinating and I tried to be strong but my emotions broke in and I just couldn’t hold it in. I fell on my knees and started sobbing. After a while I came across a quote I remembered, “Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.”
It was that dream. The dream that I have dreamt for the past 2 days. Who would have knew that it would come out and haunt me? I never took into consideration of what might have happened and every time I tried to remember what happened, I just couldn’t. No wonder I thought something was missing. It was true; I missed something very important in my life that I wish I can get back but it turns out that will never happen.
My life is a complete mess. I go to school every day for the past week late. My grades have dropped tremendously and I have a lack of not caring to study. I guess this is what happens after break-ups, you start to lose interest in life. You don’t die from a broken heart; you just only wish you did. That was exactly how I felt but now I feel so lonely like I am walking this earth solo. Most importantly I wish she will be happy for her own decision and be happy in her life. “You can’t ever let go of all the feelings, but you need to let go of her.”
Weeks passed and things got a little better. The emptiness is always still inside. We decided to be great friends and I was more than happy to say yes to that. There was one time when my heart skipped a beat when I saw her with another guy. It was a very painful sight to see and it felt like something stabbed my heart. I actually took the courage to walk up to them and see what was going on. I stopped halfway when I realize they were holding hands. Well, I guess this is the end of us, there’s no turning back. “I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile.”
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